Wow, I’ve even had resistance to writing this post about resistance! It’s taken me a few days to get to this point!
But anyway, here I am at last… Unpacking the reasons why I resist the intimate self-care practices I love to share with everyone else – but sometimes find SO hard to enter into myself. The mad part is that I really DO know better… the benefits of these kinds of practices are so profound and so worth the time they take. And yet the road of self-sabotage still beckons way too often!
Naturally, following this road doesn’t do me any good whatsoever! This kind of resistance tends to manifest as stuck energy everywhere else in my life too… in my relationship with my partner – as lack of intimacy… in my business – as inexplicable delays/hiccups in my supply chain/payment issues with my customers… in my friendships as lack of connection… Resistance just constipates my life on every level!
So what are the excuses that I and others make for ourselves to avoid such self-care… and what are the REAL reasons behind them?
One of the most common excuses is, of course, BUSY-NESS. That familar excuse! Always available for us to drag out and use at any opportunity for avoidance! Prioritising each and every other thing in our lives – even the smallest and most ridiculous tasks at times – over and above doing something FOR OURSELVES that will help re-energise and revitalise every single aspect of our lives. We relegate our sexuality to being some kind of “frivolous” pursuit – whereas nothing could be further from the truth. But it’s still amazing how often I use this excuse… Crazy!
And then there’s being “too tired”. Now I know that life often demands a lot of us (particularly if you are a busy mum), and if we’re not getting enough quality sleep each night or maybe not eating as well as we would like to, then we probably do need to take notice and do something to address those two things. But that being said, when we concentrate on activating our sexual energy then that provides us with… well, energy! Energy we can use to live our lives on a daily basis – with a LOT more ease… as well as to create more and more of the lives we want to lead. So making time to energise ourselves in this way can help us beat fatigue more than anything else can – and I can feel my energy is tangibly increased and enlivened when I am more in touch with my sexuality and body on a daily basis.
It is also possible to use our sexual energy to direct towards health issues and create an optimum physical state for ourselves – hence combatting tiredness and fatigue in this way too. Using our sexual energy to create the results we wish to see in our lives is something that really fascinates me and is going to be a subject I will touch on a whole lot more over the months to come.
The final excuse I also use far too often is “I’m just not in the mood”. This is an interesting one – because sometimes I will get a clear “no” from my body and learning to differentiate between that and what is actually just a “no” from my head is an important difference to be able to discern. Whilst we are definitely wanting to encourage ourselves to listen to our bodies – and particularly the wisdom of our yonis – we do need to know if this isn’t rather just an excuse showing up in a more “worthy” disguise! But if we follow the feeling and are deeply honest with ourselves, it’s actually easy to trace where it has come from. Sometimes not being in the mood is totally valid and then I honour this… but at others I know it’s just my head getting in the way!
The Real Issues Behind Resistance
Of course, the real reasons behind these excuses are something quite different… but they usually look something like one of the following fears:-
- We are afraid of our true power – and unleashing our sexual energy will certainly show this to the world around us. The fear of being “seen” in this way makes us resistant. We are afraid of the abundant and creative power we will access when we raise our sexual energy – and the possible negative attention or rejection this may attract to us from others. Sexually sovereign women are forces of nature – and this doesn’t always go down well with the world at large!
- We are carrying sexual shame and guilt around with us – and we still haven’t realised the truly innate, naturalness of our sexuality. It is how we all got here, after all! This is such a common experience for so many of us – and certainly one I know only too well. So it can take some time to work through – but I can honestly say from experience that doing a yoni egg clearing meditation is amazing for shifting this kind of energy (more about that in my upcoming online Yoni Vitality course). But obviously to even get to doing that in the first place, we need to get over our resistance first… Which is a bit of a Catch 22… SO HOW DO WE DO THAT?
So What Do We Do About It?
The first thing to do is to stop fighting the resistance. Easier said than done – as pushing against something unwanted tends to be a very natural response. Problem with this approach is that what we push against only gets bigger! So instead of that, try to have compassion for your resistance whilst at the same time not giving it too much attention or getting too emotionally triggered by it. In this way, it will ultimately be broken down most naturally and effectively – but also, gently.
Secondly, learn to listen to why you have the resistance in the first place. And from there work out what you would need in order to feel physically safe and cared for enough in order to show yourself this level of self-care and love. Then do what you can to give yourself whatever you are shown that you need. Learning to listen to ourselves in this way is a big part of yoni reconnection – and paying attention to your body like this will drop you out of your head and into your body. And that will immediately help you want to show your body some love.
Next, listen even more deeply to your body and how and where it wants to be touched. Get used to communicating with your yoni – what does she say about this? Your vagina is like your 3rd brain – she is wise and intelligent beyond measure. Learn how to listen to her and she will guide you.
And – super importantly – never try and force anything. Be honest, but gentle with yourself – and just keep following your body’s own innate wisdom and moving forward bit by bit. Go just as fast as the slowest part of you… and be sure to frequently remind yourself that this is deep work you are doing and that you are making great progress 🙂