So many of us are far more familiar with sexual shame than we would like to be! So what are the root causes of sexual shame and, most importantly, how do we go about releasing it?
Growing up in most cultures teaches us a level of non-acceptance – or an inability or unwillingness to see us as we truly are – and this creates a rift between our bodies and our souls. Our souls know who we truly are – but now our souls are in bodies, we somehow aren’t accepted by those around us. This is confusing! And so a rift is created as the only sane response to this conundrum in that moment.
This non-acceptance by others can be directed towards our individual expression of who we are – whether that is, perhaps, a naturally very exuberant nature or unique way of seeing the world that runs counter to that of those around us. Or, indeed, any individual quirks or qualities we might have that others resist accepting.
This non-acceptance can (and often does) include a total rejection of our sexual nature. Which is such an innate part of being in a body! We are taught that self-pleasure and exploration of our own bodies (or others’) is wrong and that sex is shameful or a sin at worst – or at least kept hidden at best. These messages can come via religion, school, our parents/relatives or our peers… And all of this disconnects us from our bodies in a very fundamental way. Add to it any sexual abuse or trauma you might have experienced and deep sexual shame is created that can stay with us for the rest of our lives if we don’t address it.
So how do we go about releasing it? Well, it’s a process to be worked – it’s not something that usually disappears overnight. But pushing it down or refusing to look at it – as I did myself for years – is only going to make it get bigger! So, the first part of the process is… allow yourself to fully feel the shame. Tap into where exactly in the body you are feeling the shame and allow it. Be fully present with it. Breathe deeply into it.
When we allow any emotion like this, it is able to pass through the body and be transmuted back into pure source energy – ie, the energy of sexual shame is taken from its distorted state and restored back to its aligned state.
Another process which has really helped me is to talk openly about shame. Shame is such a toxic emotion. Guilt is when we feel ashamed of something we have done – but shame is when we feel ashamed of who we are. That’s intense! No wonder then that sexual shame runs so deep and has such a constricting effect on all areas of our life – as I say, our sexuality is an innate part of who we are, so anything that runs counter to this is going to mess with our lives on all levels. Fortunately there are a lot of women’s circles and gatherings we can attend – as well as connecting with women working with female sexuality – or, simply with our best girlfriends (who, chances are, will be dealing with their own sexual shame/guilt issues too!) – so the opportunities to connect and share and work with other women on the issue of sexual shame grows every day.
Similarly, a loving and supportive sexual partner – who has done their own body/sexual reconnection work already – can also be very instrumental in helping us deal with sexual shame.
Choosing to engage and work directly with healing the relationship to your sexuality can also be done via any of the practices I promote on this site too. And also don’t involve anyone else – which is sometimes a whole lot less complicated! Yoni eggs, yoni wands, yoni steaming and breast massage are all super-helpful in connecting us back to our bodies again. And learning how to move sexual energy through our bodies – to release and transmute stuck energy and make space for more pleasure and sensitivity to take its place – is super helpful for moving out unwanted emotions and welcoming in the yummy ones instead!
And if we continue to work such a process, shame will gradually break down and dissipate and slowly but surely your sexual shame just won’t get triggered like it used to – and will eventually disappear altogether.
Also just remember, however crippled you may currently feel by sexual shame, our deepest wounds are always our greatest teachers. Understand that you attracted this experience to you – and look for the inherent gifts in it. Which in my experience far outweighs the crappy experience. So remember to appreciate and give thanks for whatever you have been through – because there’s real magic on the other side of that ♥
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