So.. Shall We Just Start With Ourselves?

The deeper I dive into what I am now liking to call the “remembering of our sexual wholeness” (rather than the healing of our sexuality – which implies we are broken and we’re not) – the more I am reminded that this is first and foremost a solo journey, one that can really only be undertaken by us and us alone.

That’s a hard realisation to come to terms with sometimes.  It would be so much easier to put the onus for being able to accept the often most deeply-wounded and hidden parts of ourselves, into the hands of others.  And yet, it is only this realisation that enables us to take our power back and actually do something about changing the belief that we are somehow fragmented sexually.

How often have we thought… wouldn’t it be wonderful if our lover could be more like this… or do more of that… or… or…  Certainly society and social media and the entire entertainment industry would have us believe that this is the way it works in an ideal world.  As a result, we go from relationship to relationship, looking for that one person who will make us feel “whole” sexually – not realising all along that the only person capable of achieving that for ourselves is ourselves.

And when that person disappoints and fails to be that source of that “wholeness” (as they invariably must and will), then it’s so tempting to just move on to the next person in our never-ending quest for perfection outside of ourselves.  And that kind of quest is just never going to have a happy ending.

Don’t get me wrong.  Sharing our sexuality with another can be a beautiful and profound journey all of its own and I’m not diminishing it in the slightest.  Sexual intimacy with a partner requires a level of surrender and vulnerability that goes way beyond what we can experience with ourselves and, as such, can be the perfect container for personal growth in this way.

But – contrary to what we have been programmed to believe – being in partnership is also optional – whereas loving our sexual selves, fully and completely, isn’t.  Not if we wish to live vibrant, healthy, happy lives.  We are innately sexual beings – it’s how we all got here in the first place, after all – and it is impossible for us to be here in our totality without full acceptance of that fact.  Then, if we do eventually choose to share such a journey with another, we will come to the table with a gourmet feast to share – rather than a begging bowl, looking for scraps, anything at all to make us feel “whole”.

We quite simply cannot expect intimacy and eros in our relationship with another before we have it with ourselves.  We need to discover our own depth of turn-on and orgasmic potential before expecting to guide a lover towards them.

The thing I love the most about the different tools I use and promote for getting back in touch with our bodies and reconnecting to our erotic innocence and sexual wholeness is the fact that they are all solo practices.  They are so pure in their simplicity – no partner required… nobody else required at all in fact – we just need to show up, on our own and do the work.  And it’s not bad work either 😉

There are, of course, many tools and practices we can use to balance, soothe and unite our inner masculine and feminine.  And doing so on the inside, automatically creates harmony and transformation on the outside.  I know for a lot of us women at this stage in our evolution, that our masculine sides are extremely well-developed – and we are looking to reawaken more of the divine feminine within us and thus to bring balance as we do so…  and I know of no better tools with which to do that than the yoni egg, yoni wand or yoni steaming herbs.

If this is something you would like to explore further, why not head over to my online shop and choose yourself a beautiful crystal or glass yoni wand or egg to accompany you on this sacred journey home to yourself.

♥ ♥ ♥

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